Sometimes I really wish I could stop taking life so seriously. Do you know what I mean? Are you ever there? Where everything is urgent. All day long pushing and shoving yourself and everyone else in your family through the day. Keeping the schedule. Staying on track. Thinking ahead. Doing. Doing. It’s as if it’s up to me to keep the world spinning. Let’s go. Move along. Chop-chop-chop.
I find I live most of the day this way. I’m forever asking the Lord to please help me relax. Breathe slower. Smile. Laugh. Enjoy my children. Live in the moment. Bask in the blessings He has poured out on me and the beauty of all He has created and finished!
Did I stop and look at my girls straight into their eyes, delightfully, face to face countless times throughout the day? Or at all? I’m quite deliberate and diligent in training and grabbing those teachable moments, the many opportunities they give me to walk through life lessons with them. Sure, we are certainly face to face in those times. But, can I even count on one hand today the times I smiled into their vulnerable eyes, or laughed with them when something goofy happened? Do I even remember how to act silly or crazy, like them?
The Lord is so good. I know He is helping me. Answering my prayer. I can see it. I can feel it. I have more progress to make. Each day I certainly find myself caught up again in the snare of my making. But more often I am catching myself moving along at a more relaxed pace. Smiling. Humming. Singing. A funny thought will pop into my head and I actually spill it and get the kids looking at me like I’m weird or laughing along with me. I stop and rub their shoulders more often. Scratch their back. Kiss their cheek. Give more hugs. Or just sigh. Linger in more moments. Look around and just watch them all at whatever they are doing. Just because it’s ok to.
I so want to change. I so want to be free to live. Really really live! I don’t want to miss it! I don’t want to live life with my eyes closed. That’s kind of what it feels like when I’m in that mode. Contra-wise, my children are just simply living. Being. Whether they are doing their school lessons, reading, playing, even doing their chores, I notice they are content to just be. They feel free to giggle, they smile nearly all the time. For goodness sake, most of the time, not even my scrunched brow or barking voice can deter them. I get that they are kids and naturally it’s not their job to concern themselves with big people matters. But, you know what? It’s not mine either. It’s God’s.
Isaiah 40:28, 29 & 31 reminds me, “Hast thou not known? Hast thou not heard, that the everlasting God, the Lord, the Creator of the ends of the earth, fainteth not, neither is weary? There is no searching of His understanding. He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might He increaseth strength. But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint. And Isaiah 40:6 says, “I the Lord have called thee in righteousness, and will hold thine hand, and will keep thee..” (emphasis mine)
It’s not all about me. It’s all about HIM. I believe the Lord wants me to rest and remember to only worship Him, enjoy His presence in me and let Him live through me. He’s got the whole world in His hands.
Growing in Grace,